Beginning to Realize..

Today was the first time that i truly got nervous about Rwanda. It was also the first time that i began to understand more of the depth of what this summer has in store...

 In thinking all this over, i also came to the realization that most of my thinking about this trip is focused around me: what will I be doing? how am I going to grow from this? will I be okay? i hope that in the next coming days until it's time to depart, that my thinking will slowly begin to transform because really, this summer isn't about me. It's time to re-evaluate my motives (something i continue to find myself needing to do...). This summer is not about how i am going to grow or what i will be doing. It is primarily about Christ and what He's doing in the world; it's focusing outward instead of inwardly; it's seeing that this is God's work and how i might be a small part of it. Looking at this upcoming journey from this angle, it's so much more humbling. What an intense honor it is to be a piece of caring about people.. what a privilege to represent God when i continually mess up everyday.. what a joy to share my greatest treasure with the world..

i've also been spending some time reflecting lately on my first missions trip four years ago now. It was during that trip that i finally began to understand and see how to live with my eyes off of myself (and i still have so much to learn..). i remember coming back from that trip to speak to my church and the thing that stuck out to me the most was Matthew 16:25. Intensely ironic and contrary to our natural way of thinking, i found this verse to be one-hundred percent true of my first missions experience in Mexico.. i had spent year after year in my teen years searching for meaning, purpose and identity everywhere around me, and i finally found it in the least expected place of all--when i learned how to take my eyes off of myself. 

What a great reminder for me tonight: "...whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

Prayer requests: that God will continue to reshape my thinking about this upcoming trip, allowing me to be truly selfless in my thoughts and actions, focused outwards, on others and on Christ.