Christmas and my heavy heart

12. 25. 09



Christmas: If it were possible to smile for an entire day, I probably would have come close on Christmas day.



Christmas Eve was spent at home, learning how to make American Christmas decorations including paper snowflakes, paper chains, and popcorn strands. The electricity flickered continuously between dim and none but that didn’t halter our fun. After staying up late watching TV, we got up at 4:30am Christmas morning to prepare for the coming day of baptisms and celebration. Everyone joyfully got ready and then we loaded the kids 2 by 2 onto bicycles and sped off through the dirt roads to the church. Their laughter could be heard all along the road that morning.





The baptism was a time of great celebration and joy. The onlookers surrounded the pool where the nearly 150 Rwandans were baptized, their joyful singing ringing through the church, while a plethora of “Hallelujuahs” added to the beautiful noise.
Afterwards, we rented a bus and headed to town. The boys sang at the top of their lungs and beat on the sides of the bus the entire 45 minute ride to town. As we neared, we found out that 4 of the boys had never been to Kigali before and they were wide eyed as we pulled in. Christmas afternoon was spent walking around, hand in hand, looking at the town and eating small candies.




Our final destination was Josiane’s house where the boys filled the small living room and thoroughly enjoyed a feast of roasted goat, rice, peas, French fries and soda. While we let the feeling of being stuffed linger in our bellies, we went around giving testimonies of gratefulness for how our lives have changed.



I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas gift than to celebrate the boy’s baptism with them.


12. 28. 09

My heart is heavy tonight with many things I saw or talked about today – the abandoned building that I was instantaneously drawn to today in Kabuga that the street boys live in, my mind’s image of hundreds of children starving and naked in prison, the children of the villages who have literally nothing, and the Rwandan churches abundant hesitancy to care for the poor around her with action. My heart is sad for our world.

This morning I was walking to church in Kabuga and passed by an old, crumbling, seemingly abandoned building. As I continued walking past it, I saw that there was tattered clothing draped over the entrances of 2 small rooms where trash, dirt and mounds of dirty clothing covered the floor. It dawned on me then that someone might actually live there and I was instantaneously drawn to the place, filled with a sorrowful curiosity to know the story of those who slept there and to become friends with them. I found out later from Tonto that the crumbling building is where the street children sleep – I should have guessed. My prayer is for an open door to go back there and make friends with these kids who live in a place I will never be able to come to grips with.

Oh, my heart hurts just thinking about all this. Meanwhile churches spend thousands of dollars buying new carpet and better sounding instruments when each day 30,000 CHILDREN in our world take their last breathe because they don’t have enough to eat. These are real children, with real faces and they’ve become my friends. They have precious little fingernails, twinkling eyes, unique stories, hopes, and fears. The Christians of the early church said that if a child starves while a Christian has extra food, then the Christian is guilty of murder. Basil the Great said, “When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not – should he not be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute.”

Today I talked with Tonto and Mama Sissy about tithing and money as she was having a difficult time with her church who is frustrated with her that she tithes by giving her money to Hope For Life instead of the church. She said they’re starting to talk bad and this grieves me greatly. We continued talking and Tonto said that he refuses to give his money to the church because they don’t take care of the poor with it. How can he give them his money to improve the church building when there are children, the real church, in his neighborhood who are literally starving?

Within me, I feel rage, deep sadness, but also the ever close presence of greed in my own life tempting me to spend my money and thoughts on wanting nicer clothes or a new pair of shoes when I already have more than enough. Why should I be afforded such luxuries when the vast majority of our world, of flesh that is the same as yours and mine, only dream of such things?

I asked Josiane if she was going to visit Pascal in prison tonight, and it started a conversation about life for the children in jail. I closed my eyes as my insides cringed hearing the reality of it – hundreds of children naked or close to it, crying out to anyone who passes for food and to get them out, sleeping on the dirt floor. They are surrounded by grown men who are imprisoned for crimes of theft and murder, meanwhile their crime is living on the street and stealing food in order to survive because their parents and their society has failed to provide for them. How is their plight not our responsibility? How can we live in such abundant, luxurious excess while CHILDREN all over the world are suffering more than we could ever imagine for ourselves? I can’t wrap my head around it at all. And I hope that I never will be able to make sense of it. It never should.

Meanwhile, police also reserve the right to arrest citizens who wear plastic flip flops and mothers who sell fruit on the streets with their crying babies strapped to their backs under the hot, blazing sun. Since when did punishing people for being trapped in a system of poverty and oppression become a viable solution?

People of the world, arise, your brothers and sisters are crying out for you.

Church, how I fear your future if you don’t open your eyes and your hands to the needs of our world (Matthew 25: 31-46).

Love and hope,
Megan

Christmas week in Rwanda

Becoming Rwandan: Each day, the older boys of HFL grab potato sacks and head out the gates towards the valley that lies behind HFL to pick plants for the rabbits to eat. A few days ago, I decided (to their delight) to go with them. We walked down a big hill and the sight of the valley nearly took my breath away. The valley was filled with corn fields as far as the eye could see, while small houses lined the hills beyond and a small river ran through the sea of green. We sang songs about God while the boys taught me how to find and pick the right plants for the rabbits to eat. After we finished filling our sacks, we put them on our backs and trekked back up the hill. The boys got a kick out of the sweaty muzungu (white girl) working alongside of them in the fields and so did the rest of the community who saw. The kids are so eager to work hard here and do so willingly and without complaining. They’ve also taught me how to wash clothes, how to clean the house, and how to take care of the rabbits. They tell me I’m becoming Rwandan.





Roadtrip to the Western Provience: A few days ago, Josiane’s church put on a crusade in the Western province of Rwanda. I was reluctant to go, but was glad I went on the mini-roadtrip with them as it was one of the most beautiful scenes I’ve seen – rolling hills of continuous green, Rwandans walking the roads with huge loads on their heads, the shining waters of Lake Kivu, trees of many kinds lining the roads, a lush waterfall … I could hardly believe it was real. We sat at Lake Kivu eating lunch and taking pictures of the boats tolling slowly past us, of the islands in the distance and of each other. It was a great day.






Josiane and her husband Oscar, my friends and "Rwandan parents"

A monumental day at HFL: We got home from the crusade and received a phone call from Tonto (the male caretaker who lives at HFL). Josiane started screaming with delight and I ran to her to find out the news. Turns out that Sunday was a monumental day at HFL. Each Sunday HFL puts on a small prayer service and in the middle of it, Paul (one of the oldest and most mature boys), stood up and said he had something on his heart that he needed to talk about. He began speaking about getting ready to be baptized and needing to confess that he lied to HFL staff about his background. He was always too scared to tell staff the truth for fear that we’d kick him out but he boldly stated with tears streaming down his face, “Now I can tell you the truth because I know Jesus. And I know that He is always with me and that He is going to take care of me wherever I am, even if I’m on the streets again.” He proceeded to tell staff that he’s not Rwandan, and that he came from Burundi in search of a better life. He thought we wouldn’t love him if we knew that he lied and if we knew that he wasn’t even Rwandan and he was ready to be kicked out. Instead, he received the tears, hugs, and affirmation of forgiveness and love from staff. Paul’s bold confession initiated a night of confession from every single boy..

David began sobbing and stood up confessing that he lied about many things because he thought that if we knew the truth about his family and about his past that we wouldn’t accept him into HFL. He originally told staff that he was an orphan but he said he has a big family, and that his real name is Veterin. He apologized many times saying that he wanted to be right before God and with us. After telling the story of his real background, which included immense poverty and abuse, he expressed the desire to reconcile with his family.

Child after child stood confessing that they had lied about their families and their past. Their confessions included stories of horrendous emotional and physical abuse, vivid plots to get revenge and kill their families, past behaviors of fighting, drinking, wanting to kill people, and having sex (even the little ones). The night was a confirmation of God’s presence in each heart at HFL and that this is truly His work. A lot of healing still needs to occur in each child but we are convinced that the good work that has been started will not stop.

“Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, ‘Look, Lord! Here and now I confess and give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, ‘Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.’” (Luke 19:8-10)


Putting up the Antenna.

Christmas: Yesterday was a very joyous day as the boy’s received their Christmas gift of a TV. They were so surprised and had a grand celebration that included jumping up and down, screaming, dancing, drumming, praising, and singing songs of thanks to God. I told them that the TV is a gift from the people in America who love them and are proud of them. A few of them stood and gave mini-speeches expressing their thanks. Yves said he’s been praying for a TV for months. Paul said that God sees the generosity of all the people in America and will have rewards waiting in heaven for them when they get there. They stayed up until 10 pm last night watching a movie about Santa. For many, it was probably their first movie. Thank you to all who gave a gift to Hope For Life specifically for Christmas. You have brought deep joy to these kids.


Celebrating getting the TV!

Tomorrow (Christmas Eve Day), we are making Christmas decorations together all day. Baby is making a traditional Rwandan Christmas tree out of banana tree branches. Friday morning we will go together to the baptism, will go to town to walk around and eat treats, and then will come to Josiane’s house for a Christmas/baptism celebration meal. Merry Christmas to all!


Baby making the traditional Rwandan Christmas tree. His creativity continues to amaze me.


The goat we're eating for Christmas.


Emmanuel trying to be helpful but getting distracted because he wants his picture taken =)

Finally... Photos!

Emmanuel the male caretaker and baby Emmanuel after scoring a goal. Emmanuel is great with the kids and their love for him is obvious. The boys call him "Tonto" which is a term of endearment and respect similar to the word uncle.


Josiane's kids/my "Rwandan sisters" enjoying my head light. They follow me around the house EVERYWHERE - even to my bed and to the bathroom!



Stretching with the boys.


Pastor Oscar (Josiane's husband & my "Rwandan dad") building a cage for the chickens. He a wonderful man and I am grateful to know him. Everyday he checks the fridge and buys me anything that is out. His hospitality is humbling.


Stretching before a game of soccer.



the boys being goofy in the courtyard.



Paul and his rabbits. Each boy has a cage for their "family" of rabbits and each day they walk to fetch them grass and clean their cages. Paul has emerged as the leader among the boys and has earned the nickname "boss boss" which he is proud to bear.


Nsabiri and Veterine at the soccer field.

"Few people are interested in a religion that has nothing to say to the world and offers them only life after death, when what people are really wondering is whether there is life before death." (Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution)


Habimana and his rabbit.


The 3 newest members of Hope For Life, Veterine (front), his brother Daniel (right) and their best friend John (left). They are all very happy to be at HFL and are eagerly awaiting going to school in January.

"What the world needs is people who believe so much in another world that they cannot help but begin enacting it now" (Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution).


Sweet Baby Emmanuel. He is super goofy, loves to laugh, and takes off his clothes everywhere he goes because he hates wearing them. He is very good at learning English and is the leader of his age group in English class. HFL staff recently visited his mom who literally lives in the dump at a nearby city and she is in very bad conditions. His father is seriously ill and is in the hospital. We have been consistently talking with Emmanuel about his emotions and although He is sad, he loves to pray for his family.


Some of the students taking a break from English class at HFL.

PS. MY PLAN IS TO TRY AND GET ON THE INTERNET EVERY SATURDAY 630AM-830AM WASHINGTON TIME. If you wanna chat on Skype, get on then!

Chickens & New Clothes

Yesterday, the money from the quilt raffle was put into action as HFL staff decided to start a chicken income generating project. They cleared the land yesterday and bought all the materials to build the cages in the backyard of HFL. With these chickens, the boys will have an increased supply of protein in their diet from the eggs and meat that the chickens provide as now, they only receive meat 2 times per month and the rest of their protein is supplied from beans. This project will also lower our monthly food costs, allowing the money that is saved to be spent on other expenses. Thank you to all who participated in the quilt raffle!

Yesterday, the boys also all got new clothes in preparation for their coming baptism on Christmas day. A mere $9 bought each child underwear, jeans or slacks, a nice dress shirt and a jacket and a put a glowing smile on each of their faces. Some were saying, “ I never thought I would have a shirt like this!” Upon receiving their clothes, they all immediately stripped off their clothes on the spot and proudly put on their new ones, dancing around the house in them. I took lots of video of their joy =)

Glimpses of life..

The past week has been filled with playing soccer and volleyball on the lush, green, rolling hills of Rwanda, teaching English to 19 very eager boys, being part of facilitating reconciliation, making babies cry when they see a white person for the first time (thus far, the count is 4 babies and making 2 adults trip because they were staring at me), preparing for 11 boys to get baptized on Christmas day, and going on a 6 hour hiking trek through the jungle to a mountain to pray through the night. I wish all my stories would fit here.

A few glimpses of this past week:

I went to the Kimironko market a few days ago with Josiane (this is the market where Hilliary and I met the boys last year) in search of Dakundimana and Pascal, the 2 boys who left Hope For Life. In talking to Dakundimana’s mom, we were saddened to find out that Pascal is once again in prison. While we stood there speaking with her, I felt juxtaposing waves of rage and compassion building within me as the alcohol on her breath and the stench of the sewer next to the ground where her children sleep reached my nostrils.

I took a 2 hour bus ride to the Southern province of Rwanda with Josiane to visit a mountain where many generations of Christians have gone to pray. Getting of the bus, I was saddened to see clusters of numerous street boys huddled together everywhere in the dark night. My mind can’t fathom how many children whose reality is the streets. We walked through the town and entered the bush, the brightness of the plethora of glowing stars as our only light. I would stop every once and a while, not believing that I was hiking through the Rwandan bush in the dead middle of the night. Who would have thought. Our 3 hour hike through the night ended on top of a mountain, the wind whisking through the trees. We settled on a group of rocks and began praying. It was very different than anything I’ve ever experienced. I was a bit scared at first by the passion and charisma in which my friends prayed, but I soon got used to it as God began to meet with us. One of the men had the gift of prophesy and spoke many words to each of us. It was incredible. I’ve only experienced prophecy a few times in my life and there is nothing like what happened on that mountaintop in the middle of the night. The man spoke prophetic words that would soon be repeated to me again by 2 completely separate pastors in two different places in the next few days. Wow. I am convinced that the powerful words spoken through these different men are not coincidental and that they’re from God Himself. I came away from the mountain humbled, encouraged, and wanting more of Jesus. I can feel something deep inside me is being awakened being here, as I desire more and more…

I am loving life and am falling in love more and more each day with 19 children and the God who has saved them and me.

Pictures to come in the next few days…

It feels like home here..

12/5/09 Today was one of the most beautiful days of my life. I saw the boys again for the first time in a year and half. I’m not sure I’ll ever have words to describe all the scenes that replay in my head of today but I hope they will never leave. A grin slid across my face as soon as I knew we were in the neighborhood. We knocked on the door of HFL and Pacifique came running. He opened the gate and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a huge smile permanently stuck on someone’s face. He rushed to me and put his arms around me, looking up at me every few seconds with an even bigger smile on his face and with light twinkling in his eyes. I’ll never forget that smile of pure joy. All of the 16 boys and the staff were sitting outside when I arrived and we hugged for a few minutes all smiling at each other, not really believing that we were together again. We went inside and they all introduced themselves to me (as they have changed in appearance and I have not met 7 of the newest members of HFL). As we sat there in a circle they would glance awkwardly at me with grins on their faces and all but a few turned shyly away when I returned their smiling gaze. They sang 2 beautiful songs for me (led by Emmanuel, the “leader” who has emerged from the boys), and we went around the circle each giving a small talk to the group of what we were grateful for. It was absolutely precious and I would have sobbed would the smile have left my face for a mere 10 seconds. Each stood and gave a heartfelt thanks to God for all He’s done to rescue them and to thank me for coming to see them. I learned more about their backgrounds as they spoke including that they’d all been addicted to drugs (even small 6 year old Nsabiri), they were hooked on sniffing glue and drinking daily, most had been sexually active, they were stealing regularly and had been in jail. I can’t imagine these things at their young age. They spoke with utter sincerity and most had a long list of all they were grateful for. Their list of thanks would have humbled anyone – a place to sleep for the first time in their life, for new mommies (Josiane, Chantal, Hilliary and Megan), to own a pair of shoes, to have a change of clothes, the chance to go to school... Eve said that God has given him his life back and He thanks Him for each breath He has. David spoke about how he will always remember what everyone in America has done for Him and that when He’s an adult, he will do the same thing and give other kids what has being given to him. Wow. These kids will be the leaders of Rwanda’s next generation going forth to rebuild and restore their communities. They are doing it already with the local street kids in their neighborhood. We sang again and they went to play outside while I talked with the staff. It was such a good time to catch up with them and hear from their own mouths how everything is going there and how amazed they each are at what has happened in each of these kids. It seems like a dream to me even still. The transformation in the children is absolutely remarkable! We sat outside for the rest of the evening and they soon became more relaxed around me as they slowly drew closer and closer until all 16 were huddled around me. I wish I had more adequate words to describe how beautiful it was and the immensely joy that swept through me. When I left, they all began praying, heads bowed, their little hands over their eyes and their small voices all ringing out their praises and requests. There is nowhere else in the entire world I could have wanted to be in that moment. I came home and couldn’t sleep nearly half the night because I was so happy. Apparently Berco said that he hadn’t slept the night I arrived as he stayed up listening for the plane that would bring me to them.

I can’t stop thinking, my friends, that this is the Kingdom of our God. Is not the Kingdom giving to and equipping the poor, becoming friends with them, making their reality our own, restoring hope to people as they receive a second chance at life here on earth and for eternity? I feel as if I’d give up every possession I own to be able to give more to these kids or give this opportunity to more children. It was a really wonderful reminder today hearing them talk about their gratitude that this work is not just about providing for tangible needs, but it’s about them knowing Jesus. The most prized thing that each child spoke of wasn’t their shoes, or food, or even the chance to go to school again – it was Jesus and that He’d looked past all that they’d ever done and that He still loved them. I wish each and every one of you could see them. They shine and exude hope, joy, peace, thankfulness, and love – in essence, Jesus.
I’ll try and update again soon. Until then, please be praying specifically for guidance as to what my work is going to be here. We are creating programs and goals for my trip on Monday. Love and greetings from me, the boys, and from the staff and their families.
“Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” Isaiah 58: 6-7

12/7/09 Since being here, I have been praying to find Veterine, the crippled friend Hilliary and I made last time we were here. Yesterday morning, Josiane and I were on the bus coming home from church when I suddenly felt prompted to turn around and look out the window. Suddenly, a wheelchair flashed through the crowd and bus and I felt that I had to immediately get off the bus. As the chair turned, I caught my breathe and ran as I saw that it was Veterine! His eyes lit up when he recognized it was me and an enormous delighted smile came to him. I stood there paralyzed for a second a few feet away from him, jumped up and down with glee and then rushed towards my friend. We hugged for a long time as he sat in his dirty wheelchair. All these past few days I have been praying to see him again, and we have looked for him twice but were unable to find him. Wow! We drove to his house to talk with his family about him coming to HFL and the whole ride, I kept looking him, not believing my eyes. I couldn’t have hid my smile for a million dollars. We had a long discussion with Veterine’s mom and she wouldn’t release him to us unless we would pay for his sister’s school fees as the money he gets from begging every day of his life is used to pay for his sister’s school. It felt like we were rescuing a child from bonded labor or slavery. Yesterday morning I had no idea where he was and by last night, he was asleep safe and happy in Hope For Life. We also took in his 10 year old brother, Daniel, and his best friend John. This brings our total to 19 boys! Wow. We are trusting God for more finances as in addition to needing to pay for these 3 new boys, we are also responsible now for paying their sister’s school fees. (If you want to help, every dollar goes so far here. Please consider giving at www.hopeforlifeministry.org) We are hoping he never spends another day sitting in the dirt begging. He has been so happy since being at HFL! Today, the boys at HFL were literally yelling at each other, fighting over who was going to care for Veterine. It was a beautiful fight :) Their transformation is absolutely remarkable. I think it’s the more amazing thing I have ever seen and I am so deeply encouraged. I wish that everyone who has been a part of HFL could see it!
We had a staff meeting today and our need for increased finances is very present. Please join us in expecting God to meet our many needs here.

Hope you are encouraged by these stories. Love from Rwanda,
Megan

Adventure Round 2 Has Begun..

I'm sitting in the Nairobi airport about to head to Rwanda in about an hour. WOW! I'm having a hard time comprehending it as I'm sleepy and stink so bad.

Here's the stitch on Europe though!:

Wow, Europe has come and gone like a blur. I spent 10 wonderful days in Gaillac, Southern France and in Barcelona with my dear friend Krista Haxton. I wish I could describe to you what an absolute adventure it was – each day was filled with so many stories. A few of the highlights include:

• Taking trains through the beautiful French countryside and making friends along the way with people from all over the world
• Learning how to cook some dang good food
• Drinking great wine and sangria
• Having to take 8 train transfers to get to Barcelona and a crazy random taxi with 2 girls from France at the Spanish border. Our taxi driver was INSANE: going about 70 mph down these tiny but very steep and windy cliffs, while texting and blasting Brittney Spears. We then ran across the border without getting our passports checked to catch our departing train.. Eek!
• Staying 2 nights at a hostel in a 10 person room with all guys who farted all night and thought it was simply hilarious
• Skateboarding, playing pool, and learning to Salsa on Barcelona’s streets with locals
• Dancing in Barcelona!
• On the way back to France, we got to the train station and discovered the entire French railway system was apparently on strike that day… WHAT?!... Getting home included running across town with our bags to the bus station, catching the last bus to France but not knowing where in France it was taking us, and renting a car with an awesome American couple we had just met. Someday, we will be Amazing Race Champions. Watch out.
• Getting pursued by waiters at EVERY SINGLE restaurant we ate at in Barcelona. We had flowers bought for us, were invited to go clubbing, out for drinks, and to hang out the next day by 5 different waiters. Did I mention, Krista got proposed to?
• Visiting French villages all throughout the countryside.
• Sleeping 9 total hours over 3 days. Barcelona is not for sleeping.
• Learning to be spontaneous and more carefree.
I had SUCH a blast. I especially enjoyed the opportunity to push my introverted self to try new things and be spontaneous. I LOVED it.

On a deeper note, the past few days have been a really good time for me to prepare for Rwanda mentally and by getting to talk with friends and family a lot. I now sit on a train riding to Paris to spend the night before departing for Africa TOMORROW. I wish I could paint a picture to share the scenes before my eyes with you. Lush green plants grow everywhere the eye can see as hills sprout up in the background, the setting sun casting an orange glow across the countryside. Fluffy clouds scatter the sky, reflecting the pinks and oranges of another day gone by. The departing sun’s glow splatters on stone houses and their fall trees, sparce with colored leaves. Light dances across Chateaus, making their demeanor even more magical. Alexi Murdock, Joshua James, and Ray LaMontagne echo in my ears and fresh pizza is on my breath. Hopes and dreams marinate in my mind of what the next 7 months will hold - of becoming the person I dream about being, of the ensuing change that is bound to soon come within me, of a lifestyle calling to me that will shout Jesus to the eyes of the world so downcast by the scenes of corruption, greed, and pain that have overwhelmed their vision. Excitement, hope and a small edge of hesitancy lie like a lens behind my eyes as imagines of my future flash. A life of adventure, intimacy, love, generosity and a Sacred romance call me forth, daring me to step outside of the box called “life” our culture has created.
Talking with a friend recently was very revealing as he passionately explained that he believed in “god” but he remains pissed off at the representation that God’s so called imitators have displayed throughout history. He cited seeing no difference in the greed, corruption and selfishness between Christians/other religious people and atheists. Something is vastly wrong with this picture. I am determined to keep searching for the One who all the beauty I see is but a mere reflection of and to not ignore the deepest yearnings of my heart calling me to something more. It beckons me to leave the familiar, the comfortable, the resignation that “this is just how the world is,” and to rediscover intimacy, beauty, truth, compassion, justice, love displayed in actions, and adventure. J. Eldridge and S. Curtis argue that this yearning is “the core of our spiritual journey. Any religion that ignores it survives only as guilt induced legalism, a set of propositions to be memorized and rules to obey” (20). I go forth vowing to relentlessly chase these yearnings inside me.
Isaiah 58.